#BrighterLives

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Every year, on the 21st of June, MTN Zambia closes its community outreach project, #YelloCare. It runs from the 1st of June and has a grand finale, this year’s was a career day, where the event is wrapped up and of course lives are changed.

This year’s #YelloCare opened up space for women in tech, and worked with amazing organisations like Bongo Hive and Asikana Network. Partnering with Lubuto Libraries, young mothers were given the chance to learn computer coding and of course #BrighterLives.

So Why Girls in Tech?

Under the theme #BrigtherLives, these young women went and broke so many barriers, that I’m not even sure they realized. Historically, computer programming and technology services, have been roles relegated to the nerdy man sitting in front of a computer with a five day old hungry lion packet next to him. But these ladies were so young and had brilliant ideas. They were dreaming up things I literally never thought about at their age. A recycling app? TAKE MY MONEY!

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The thing is, as we go about life trying to find a way for ourselves, we often find that even though the spaces are opened up for us, young women are way to timid or just don’t know enough to take the charge they ought to be taking.

Initiatives like Asikana Network and #YelloCare are some of the few ways that young women’s brilliance can be felt in these spaces that are just waiting for them to be occupied. Ladies bring a special type of creativity to the table, but often we are either silenced or just too plain scared.

Focusing on tech, because that was this year’s theme, its important that ladies get to share their creativity and smarts with the world. If we’re going to make the world a better place, let’s get all hands on deck.

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The world is becoming digital. Lets get with the program.

As the world is being steadily transformed with digital solutions for otherwise mundane problems, and its up to us to keep up with it. If young people, such as myself are not careful, we will be left behind in paving the world that we want to see.

Shout out to the youths, for making things happen. But lets not get complacent. It can be daunting, going out into the world with all these bright ideas that may be misunderstood, rejected or just plain discarded, but lets not end there. We have a whole world in front us, just waiting for the taking. Its time we got up and made our footprint.

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The 21 days of #YelloCare have since ended, but I can assure you that minds are buzzing with all the possibilities that life holds for you. Its easy to believe that we have it the worst, but the truth is, where we are right now, could possibly the best we ever have it. Don’t get discouraged. pray hard and then work hard. Always give your best. and when you have, don’t forget to give a hand to the people that are next to you.

Keep your sights up and keep positive, because when we all care, everyone can have a #BrighterLife.

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Barren

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I tried to be a ray of sunshine
In your garden
Run my fingers
Over your stone walls
Caress you
With warmth and light
I tried to make your flowers grow
I tried to scorch
The weeds in your heart
Burn away the rubbish
And the debris
I tried to shine bright into your garden
But you wouldn’t let me.

You shut out the light
By building a wall so
High
That even my rays
Couldn’t climb
A glacier so strong
No one could break,
No one could touch.
Your garden is barren
Your field is fallow
Your wall is cold as ever

And me, the sunshine?
The sun traces a path in the sky
And where the darkness is too much for the light
The sun sets.

I Have A Needle And Thread.

I Am Molo.

So this is where we are
I have a band aid in my hand
But a band aid
Won’t heal a broken heart.
I have a needle and thread
But what good are stitches for the dead?

Is this a cross road?
Are they choices presented
In front of me?
Is left or right
Really a choice
Or an obligation?
Or do I have a mandate
To walk in the direction
You prod me in.

So this is where we stand.
Hands clasped
And hearts miles apart.
And these are the words
That escape my lips
“I’m sorry”

~ Purrpetual.

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Tired

I rub my hands across my eyes.

Once.

Twice.

Twenty times.

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Photo by Heather Zabriskie on Unsplash

I wash my face and stare off into the distance. I sigh. The air escapes my chest as a bubble that is as weary as I am. I look at my phone. 7 chats, all unread. I shrug. There were more chats yesterday. All asking for my attention, my love, my care, for me. I trade my soul for the wounds of other people, who forget that I too get tired. But you see, no amount of physical sleep can cure a tired soul. I have poured so much into other people that I am now an empty vessel.

 

 

 

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Photo by Ahmed Rizkhaan on Unsplash

 

 

So I sleep the emotions away. I crawl into bed at 8 pm and I am out like a light. Sometimes the monsters visit me at 1 am, but these days they respect that I am too tired to even give them attention.

 

So I sleep. Like the world will stop momentarily. And let my heart and my soul catch up with my body.

I rub my hands across my eyes.

Once.

Twice.

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Twenty times.

This time a streak of tears glistens on my palm.

The Female Body

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I stand in front of the mirror and regard my naked body; disparagingly. They say that each body is a work of art, so why may I not treat to it to critique. I sigh as I shrug. In the general sense of arms and legs, it looks fine. Well, save for flabby biceps and wide thighs. But the areas of my skin that my clothes do not hide are rife with flaws. Imperfections. Blemishes. Stretch marks trace paths over my ass, pointing towards…well. Scars are littered over my shins and calves, the memories of imaginary battles I fought as a free-spirited child. Acne scars scatter themselves across the bridge of my nose, connecting the dots of my incomplete adolescence.

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I look at this body I own. In its awkward lumpiness and half formed curves. I sometimes despise this body. I wish it was straighter, like a stick. Glossy magazine cover acceptable, you know? But sometimes I wish…I wish it was like Beyoncé. A curve so blessed, it became bootyful. But at the end of the day, it’s the only body I have. I may dislike it on some days, but on all days, I respect it.

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Soliloquy to My Lover

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I heard, once upon a time, that life has a funny way of sneaking up upon you. When you least expect it, it happens all at once, and might just leave you a little bit dizzy from all the change. My mind wonders as I watch the buildings whizz past me, as I travel towards a place I call home.

“I would not call myself an obsessive girl. And neither would I say my thoughts stray towards you. Rather my thoughts stray away from you, towards other thoughts, seemingly pale in comparison to yourself.

I don’t want to give you a saviour complex, because I was not in need of completion.

But you came into my life, a tall dark stranger and smiled at me. A beautiful smile. Your smile. And somehow, my world turned upside down.

This is not supposed to be sappy or gross, this is a truth about the condition of my heart. Or perhaps former condition, somewhat old and torn, but still beating, still believing in love.

This serves as a soliloquy and a shout out.

To the man with the biggest heart that matches his delightful smile.

To the one, who makes me happy, makes my heart burst

It’s a thank you. For being here, with me, even if it seems like the distance is planets away.

This is for you being perfect. Perfect for me.”

It feels like no time has passed at all, before I reach my destination. My heart races as I walk, this feeling isn’t unfamiliar. It leaps, and bounds and makes perfectly timed pirouettes. Then I see you. And a smile spreads across my face, just like the millions of times before. I try (and fail) to hide it.  And then I am wrapped in your arms, in your warmth. Time melts away, and the world stands still.

 

It’s just you and me.

Lonesome

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Casually
Tossed aside.
A casualty
Of the affections
Of a heart that was
Racing so fast,
It forgot to check
It’s rear mirrors
And inevitably
Crashed.

Discarded and disused,
Gone and forgotten.
A whisper in the memories
Of many nights long passed,
When stars would shine

For two unlucky lovers
Who thought they held time.

Downcast and disconsolate.
A girl who’s name you used to know,
A boy who’s heart you used to hold.

Lips that would part yours in kiss,
Are clamped together in a thin line.
Underscoring their disapproval of you.

Shuffling forward,
Away from the toxicity.

Your departure is as silent as a petal
Falling to the ground.

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Battles of The Inner Mind

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Photo by Tachina Lee on Unsplash

It’s a little bit funny,
How my heart will go out,
Smoke gun and barrel,
Waging a war,
But at the first sign of trouble,
Screams out retreat.
Dont get me wrong,
This is not defeat…
I’m not giving up,
But I’m not giving in.
I am protecting
My interests,
With dagger and knife,
Holding my sanity
Close to me,

I am outside my mind,
Convincing myself
That my heart is right,
When Lord knows I’ve never been more wrong

But
I’ve got the broken pieces
Of a trust betrayed
And you harbor none of the pain.
I have the tear stains on my face,
You have the gain
Of a story you were allowed to leave behind,
As I lay in the ashes,
Circling in our names
In the dust of the past.

I have a steely grin
Transfixed onto
A downcast face,
A heart of ice
That thaws to raw
And unforgiving muscle.

I breathe in pain,
In every sinew
Every pocket of air.

And then I exhale.
And let it go.

I swim in the thought
That my opinion is not absolute,
And while my feelings
Are valid,
They are misplaced,

And I understand.
That I am wrong.
And all I seek is forgiveness

Conformance

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He tells me i feel safe

But he runs away from the comfort I bring him

He looks me in my eyes and lies through his teeth
He mocks the vulnerability that comes labelled deep within me

He calls me emotional and makes me cut out this vein supplying my life with pure raw emotion

He wishes I was her

I do not know her but she makes my skin crawl with imperfection

He looks at me so tenderly

I know it isn’t me he sees
He sees her

This being forged from memory and brought to life every time he touches me

Every time he buries himself in me

He is with her
I lie in the confines of my heart

Crying

Bargaining with the Devil for some form of love
Hold Up

Wait

Breathe in

And smell the fresh air

Fish out of water trying to learn how…

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Tell Me Why

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Photo by James Pond on Unsplash

Why did you teach me
To never be enough.
When I was young,
You forced my juvenile
Curls into a puff
And cursed me
With wishing they were straighter…better,
So I annihilated
My identity with
Acid that turned my curls limp
And damaged my soul

You taught me to dream,
But my dreams were not be brighter than my brother’s
You told him he was powerful,
A king in every right,
You spoke into his life,
But I,
I took the back seat
And the tumultuous road
Of childhood,
You reminded me that
I was not enough.
I needed a mother
But I got an adversary,
Fighting over
Everything that it meant to be me,
Tearing down walls
You had forced me to build,
Then you asked yourself why I never held my head high.

You’ve never laid a hand on me.
The beatings I suffered
Were internal and brutal and inside my head

I never had a place to escape,
But I was always looking for ways.

So I popped pills and said many hail Mary’s

I prayed decades on the rosary
And flipped through litanies
To St Jude
Because I am a hopeless case.
I allowed the thick lens
On my specs
To cloud my mind
And like a sheep,
I’d listen only to your voice.

I wrung my wrists
So I wouldn’t slit them,
I closed off independent thought,
In case it alerted me
That I deserved better…
I am almost a woman now,
I have learnt that my hair is beautiful kinky
That fat thighs save lives,
That my dreams mayn’t be technicolour,
But monochrome is still art.

I’ve learnt to be self sufficient,
To love me first

And though I wanted to need you.
I really don’t

Who am I kidding?
I need you more than anything in this world
But my need for you,
Is nothing
When you have none for me.

This is the 21st century,
My mind is permeable,
I can learn and unlearn
Knowledge is not static,
Like the creation of the world,
In whirlwinds of divine inspiration,
Thought out and planned,
I choose to write my path,
Tumultuous though the past has been,
I look ahead and with foresight level down the challenges ahead