Before The Shoreline

To say this year has been nothing short of nightmarish would be an understatement.

This year has thrown me challenges beyond what I thought I was capable of dealing with and piecing myself back together has been a continuous uphill battle.

Escaping my mind used to be my way of dealing with previous traumas, issues and challenges but eventually the things you pushed away come right back to the forefront. I’ve had to stop down with myself and have some very stern conversations.

I’ve also had to confront many fears, and part of that was taking up some leadership roles. I contested successfully for the University of Zambia Media Students Association as secretary general and applied for a role as sub-editor. I’m afraid of taking the limelight (somewhat unbelievable) yet, I chose to propel myself out of my comfort zone for two reasons

1. I genuinely want to make a difference

2. Difficult situations make us grow.

 

I’m really scared; what if I’ve made a bad choice?

What if I fail to deliver?

These questions only cover the tip of the iceberg of my fears and insecurities. 😅

I’m happy that people have seen my leadership abilities, but the fear of failure really looms at the back of my mind.

I’ve had so many mental break downs this term, and have more than once convinced myself to not do the unthinkable. It’s been so hard lately. But just as the night is always darkest before the dawn, the journey is always roughest before the shoreline I guess.

Maybe it gets better. And if it doesn’t, at least I’ve gotten stronger.

Photo via Reddit.